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The Brauerei Fassla (since 1649) was closing but beer at 2.60 Euros for 500ml was available.

Sid liked the look of a particularly fine “dark beer” but was informed that it was Cola.

Yup led the way to the Swarg Indian restaurant where popadoms and pickle were served to Sid's rousing rendition of Nellie the Elephant. What nostalgia.. He still had the bright yellow vinyl original by the Toy Dolls.

Gary Glitter had asked “Do you want to touch me there, where? Just show us on the Teddy Bear exactly where he touched you.

The Chicken Korai was served as a salad with lots of crisp lettuce, cucumber and cherry tomatoes with a cold sauce. Who could ask for a salad to be warmed up?

The Jalfriezi looked better.

The sound of music by Beethoven and Straus filled the air, the sun shined and more beer was ordered before the Squarrites headed off to find souvenir hats and snow shakers.

Tuesday 29th September

The walk to the station seemed to be shorter and the train more familiar.

The connection from platform 11to 6 at Wurzburg was made with 2 minutes to spare but few seats were available.

The Squarrites made their way to a first class carriage and made themselves comfortable among the business executives. The ticket Inspector passed through the carriage without even a glance.

Yup led the way to the first brewery of the day and the famous smoky beers were ordered.

Andy considered that beer should be supplied on prescription. “You go to the doctor who orders you to drink beer. Goodbye! Solution!”

“Smoky beer could also replace a 20 a day Woodbine habit. Your lungs remain good but your livers ruined. It's all a trade off.”

“It's another idea for submission to Dragon's Den” he added “Someone should be writing these things down.

The Mars brewery was next where the Squarrites rearranged the seats to sit in the sunshine with more beer.

Yup tried unsuccessfully to organise a surprise 66th birthday cake for Tim.

“Miserable swines” he said.

Brian thought he'd ordered lunch. “11 Miserable swines?” he asked.

The Italian restaurant proved much friendlier and welcomed the Squarrites as their largest party of the year.

Beers were quickly supplied to be supplemented by 4 bottles of Chianti at 9 Euros each.

Yup ordered calzone and Tim ordered pizza both with French fries and were bemused when the “chef” turned up to confirm the order.

Tim's pizza arrived with the chips scattered among the topping and Yup narrowly escaped his chips being presented a la hedgehog or baked within the envelope.

The bill amounted to 163 Euros (16 Euros each with a tip).

The route back to the station was downhill and definitely shorter than earlier.

BAMBERG 2015

(SQUARRITES BURGER HOFF)

26th -30th September 2015

Sid had booked the mini bus from Uttoxeter to collect the remaining Squarrites at The Westbury and Jacko at the revised Junction 17. Up for it were Yuppers, Jacko, Sid, Andy. Gadget Man Tony, Graanpop Bill, Brolly Wolly man, Tim Mothy, Sean of the Amey Wameys and Benson.Beds Brian.

Frankfurt station and its busy forecourt seemed familiar and 8 strode off leaving Sean heading for the Memphis Hotel on Muchener Strasse. A quick phone call was needed to re-group.

Suitcases were put safe while some rooms were made ready and the Squarrites were off to hit the town.

The magnificent town square featured a work of modern art consisting of overlapping wooden laths that had been thrown into a roughly circular form. The public were free to pick their way around or through and to try to avoid tripping.

JC took a photo to show Stafford how to manage Health & Safety to DIN standards.

The other important display was perhaps the worst human statue ever. His routine was more frantic than statue as he constantly turned to find a suitable audience.

Sid spotted some Japanese tourists approaching and decided to freelance with a static performance of his own. Sid's cash collection soon exceeded that of the professional's.

The general consensus was “crap”. The only thing that could save the act would be for a dog to cock its leg up the statue's leg.

Yup led the way to Brauerei Caststatte Klosterbrau where, not to miss out on the beer on a plank experience, 3x300ml samples each were ordered.

“You want them served together?” asked the waiter.

The planks arrived with beers served in almost full 500ml glasses.

The Squarrites boarded the Primus-Linie river cruise for the downstream trip costing 8.95Euro.

The skyline was impressive and the coffee good and hot.

Bags were unpacked at the Memphis and Sid, Tony and Brian went for a cut throat razor shave at the Turkish barbers.

Hotel bills were paid in advance at 53.50 Euros and arrangements made for an early breakfast.

Beers were taken at the Meat Room open air seating area made from pallets before the temperature dropped uncomfortably. Beer 60 Euros for 11 x 500ml

The Irish bar was packed so the Squarrites crossed to the Beer Inn, a narrow bar on the edge of the red light area with a small seating area for several rounds of 11 beers at 3 Euros for 400ml.

Yup confessed that he had been using the bath mat as a towel. “Not the one with the rubber dimples?” asked Sid.

Wednesday 30th September

Breakfast was served at 6:15 for a 07:00 getaway.

The route to the S line via the mall below the wide concourse was simpler.

Check in and security was uncomplicated.

JC and Jacko rested a moment in the disabled seats and were offered a lift in an invalid buggy (or dogging cart as Sid called it)

Sean and Bill were directed to iris reader security scans despite Sean's passport being too old and Bill being too tall for the reader.

A woman in a full face black out burka appeared to pass through without problem.

Andy wondered if bright Laura Ashley type burkas would sell well. “Another good idea for Dragons Den” he claimed.

The flight was quick and the Squarrites said goodbye to Tim on his way to Windermere. The taxi was waiting to whisk the Squarrites homewards.

Yup had proved yet again that he really could organise a jolly in a brewery.

Jacko

All notes taken by our wonderful memory man Jacko. Photos taken and submitted by several members of the group and added by the Yupmeister..

The long walk to the Burger Hof began through parkland adjacent to the river and continued under the flyover and over a bridge.

We are closed said the brewer but for 11 thirsty men we are OK.

Toilets were visited while the beer was drawn and Yup received an important message to remind him to claim for some accidental injury.

The fun and craic was so good that the bus was missed. Tim and Mark decided to walk back while Sid arranged 3 taxis to take the remaining Squarrites back to the Hotel.

It was decided to settle the bill for The Best Western to avoid any hassle to delay departure the next morning. Accounts were settled just as a coach load of blue rinse grannies arrived for check in.

The Tucher brewery was next where Hofbrau and pork knuckle with dumpling and sauerkraut was ordered.

Bill ordered a Radler and was brought 2 tall jars of cloudy liquid.

When he queried the order the correct drink was taken away to leave him with a lemonade shandy.

Monday 28th September

The Squarrites took a leisurely breakfast before setting off to find the local beer with tastes of smoky bacon known as schenkerla.

The Rathaus was chocolate box pretty and the Squarrites stopped for photos.

Sid spotted a bicycle wrapped in straw and flowers. “I think we've found Terry Waite's bike” he claimed.

The Cathedral was magnificent and largely unaffected by the war. The carving on the alter pieces and tombs was particularly fine.

Yup had planned to stop off a few stations before Bamberg at the village of Buttenheim that had a brewery with its own restaurant. “It's only 800m from the station and is highly recommended” he claimed.

The long walk commenced as the largest moon in years ascended into the sky.

The St. George's brewery and restaurant were indeed in the otherwise deserted hamlet but the dining room was full and unwelcoming. Some went off to search elsewhere while the remaining Squarrites stood under a dim light on a street corner to the sound of window shutters being slammed and locked. Brian likened the scene to a Hollywood B movie where 11 strangers move into a strange town to disappear one by one.

On the train journey back to Bamberg a young girl asked Tony if she could borrow his phone to arrange for her Mother's ex boyfriend to collect her so as to avoid a long walk home. Tony's phone was dead so he asked Andy to make the call. There was no response so Andy texted the ex boyfriend. The teenager left the train in a station in the wilderness leaving Andy to worry for her safety. He imagined that he had unwittingly become entangled in a tragedy involving an incestuous depravity or perhaps even worse. The mother's ex boyfriend called back but Andy declined to answer. “The bxxxxxx's already setting me up” he claimed.

Nuremburg had been the setting of Nazi mass rallies during the 1930's and of the War Crimes trials of 1946 at the Hall of Justice where Yup led the Squarrites for a tour of the courtroom. Audio sets in English were provided with a reference to each display. Turkish Tone found the power supply gadget to play with.

Next stop was St.Sebald's cathedral which contained photographs of its ruined condition in 1946 but had been restored to an impressive condition.

The brewery yard in the sunshine invited the Squarrites to take a beer.

Yup ordered beer samplers for 4 that arrived on a plank holding 16 300ml beer glasses. The remaining Squarrites looked on jealously.

Sunday 27th September

An early breakfast was taken so as to catch the train to Nuremburg.

The train entered Stoke's “Twin City” Erlangen and the similarities soon became apparent though the “Harecastle tunnel” lacked an adjacent orange canal.

Nuremburg station was impressive and served by a wide road/tram/cycleway system but with no apparent means to cross as a pedestrian.

The bar closed early leaving the Squarrites still thirsty. A quick stroll up the street led to a small bar where a woman waved frantically for company.

The mad woman had an equally mad partner who had the look of an unhinged Bill Bailey. The barman served drinks and loaded the music system while the mad woman begged for cigarettes until all the non- Squarrites left to smoke outdoors leaving Sid to play host and reload the sound system.

The wait on the platform was lifted by the news that Shaqiri had scored a second goal against Bournemouth to give Stoke its first win of the season. JC remarked that normally he couldn't pass a ball let alone score with it.

The Train to Wurzburg was found with minutes to spare on Platform 6B, hiding ahead of another train on Platform 6.

The train was packed and the Squarrites were distributed. Jacko found himself next to a delightful college girl on her way to her parent's home on the Czech border. She spoke perfect English but admitted she had struggled in her language placement year spent in Cork.

The change at Wurzburg for the 19:31 connection to Bamberg was made without a hitch though Sid had to share a space with perhaps the fattest and smelliest man in Germany. Sid's company was so scintillating that the slob kept falling asleep to wake with a wobble and a snort. He did it so often that he missed his stop and left to dump his bag of empty beer cans and board the train back towards Wurzburg.

The train entered Schweinfurt where the US air force had suffered great losses in 1943 attempting to stop the production of ball bearings. Huge signs proclaiming “FAG” and “SKF” bearings proved the effect was temporary.

The Best Western was reached after a brief diversion led by Yup to inspect the rear alleyways.

Rooms were allocated;

Yup & JC - 101, Bill & Jacko - 129 , Sid - 334, Tim & Sean - 234, Brian & Andy - 233, and Mark & Tony - 333

Frankfurt Station was big and impressive with a forecourt embracing 6 lanes of cars, 3 tramlines and 3 cycle routes that had to be negotiated to get to O'Reily's Bar. The bar was big and noisy with huge televisions showing World Sport. German, Italian and English League football, World Cup Rugby and Oz Rules were available. Gadget Man Tony announced that he had a link he could connect to the nearest Smart TV to add the Stoke game to the choice.

The Squarrites were led to a table and presented with a drinks menu. Bill declined the “Car bomb” and settled for a “black & tan” while 10 went for a pils and burger.

A kitty was suggested and Tony collected 21 Euros from each Squarrite to find, on counting, that someone had cheated by contributing a 10 Turkish Lira note. “Sorry, that must have been me” said a now re-christened Turkish Tony.

Never had so much time been reserved for hold ups and setbacks but the journey was uneventful with group check-in done with German efficiency. The usual cattle pen approaches to Security were empty and all but Sean were ushered through with smiles.

The Grain Loft offered real ale and food at surprisingly good value and the Stokees noted the Churchill Pottery plates betrayed its Wetherspoons connections.

The flight was quick and pleasant with a Stewardess with a permanent smile dispensing complimentary beers.

The Squarrites were dispersed through the plane but all had ample leg room.

The route through Frankfurt Airport was simple though the ticket machine for the S1 train issued group tickets with a maximum of 3.

A table came available. Bacon and cheese burgers and pils were ordered with a special request by Yup. “No Mayo please”

He got half his wish. The burger was free of mayo but the side salad was loaded.

He was reminded of the previous weeks bus ride from Stoke to the Britannia when he was induced to eat half a Wrights pie in one by a crowd chanting “Who ate all the pies?” and “Have you ever seen a salad?” all followed by “You fat bxxxxxx!”. The craic had been better than the match.

The Best Western rooms were spacious and the duvets so hot that Sid compared it to the one he shared with his wife. He had it all summer and his wife all winter.

Yup quickly led the way into town to the entrance to the underground cave system where Annalisa greeted the Squarrites. She was Belgian of Dutch extraction who had worked in television before becoming a tour guide. She explained the importance of beer during medieval times and the part that the caves served in its production.

She knew all the answers but had a habit of interrogating her audience for information. In an age of cholera beer was the only safe drink because it was made with boiled water. Even babies would drink around 3 litres of beer each week. “What is your reaction to that” she asked. “Respect” replied Andy.

A cold temperature was essential to promote bottom fermentation she claimed just as one visitor almost collapsed to be led away in tears. Andy questioned if Yup and his bottom fermentation had added to her nausea.

The extensive cave/cellar system had housed thousands of locals during WWII air raids which had devastated the city. There were many exit points including one into the castle moat. Medieval Nuremburg had hundreds of breweries all distinguished by their 6 pointed star signs. The Nazi's must have found it all very confusing.

We next headed up towards the castle stopping to admire the dazed or possibly dead rabbit sculpture by Jürgen

Goertz in a busted up crate outside Albert Dürer’s house. The castle gardens were very delightful and the views worth the short climb. We didn't enter the castle as time was passing by.

The market square had stalls selling souvenirs and fast food. 1 metre hot dogs were available but most went for the standard dog with onions at 4 Euros. Sid opted for the curry wurst with an extra 1 Euro refundable deposit on the dish.

Jacko was distracted by a street statue and turned round to find himself alone. In a city of perhaps 100 bridges he rang Yup to give his exact location as “on the bridge.” Yup rang back from the Mammot outdoor clothes shop to inform that he was outside

The Marriott Hotel listening to one of perhaps dozens of street musicians.

Fortunately Sid found Jacko to return him to Yup for consideration for a leg smacking.

The walk led past the fire station which was as pretty as Lego with floral window boxes and Tyrolean towers.

There was a long walk back to the city so the decision was made to catch the underground to the rail junction at Furth.

Furth proved to be a town of some size with evidence of a festival closing in the main square.

There was time to grab a few beers before the train to Bamberg but no sign of a venue.

Eventually “Gruner” was found and 11 special beers were ordered. The beer came in clay pots and looked like Horlicks. The bill of 30.80Euros was paid by Tony out of the kitty despite JC's generous offer of “Just give him 40”